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Crack is not back. Give Whitney a break, people. We've all passed out in booths before, either at the bathhouse, at breakfast, or otherwise. If I were this tired, this over-worked, and this under-paid, I'm pretty sure I'd be hanging just like Whitney. A come-back is hard... and it's really, REALLY shitty that anyone would produce this picture as a point to prove otherwise.

I often get emails from readers who wonder what made me choose a particular Post Secret to post on my blog. As many of you may know, Post Secret has a blog here, and they update it every Sunday with images of the Post-Secrets they've received. To answer my reader's questions, I normally copy posts that I relate with. For example:

There is nothing better than a fabulous bitch that can quiet the entire room with just an entrance. These posts remind me of that:

And then there's the gay man who so desperately wants to come out of the closet (which I wanted to do SO bad during high school): 

Also, there's the things that piss me off, like bicyclists thinking they own the fucking road and microwave ovens that are unattended:

Then, there's the posts that overcome drug addiction (which I struggled with for about six months, before seeing hallucinating the absolute scariest shit on the planet (that's another story).:
And, you all should already know, there's something about sex in this post! It's either the top left or the bald one (anybody agree!?)

But further than that, it's the one's that really hit hard, make perfect sense, and are simply written: 

So there ya go, friends! Hope this answers the questions you have, but if not, you know I would LOVE to hear from each and everyone of you!

Ugh... it sucks, doesn't it?

Jillian must want her career to hit the floor pretty god-damn quick with this shit. What the hell was she thinking letting someone take a picture of her wearing a Wal-Mart name tag? She might as well of pulled a Jamie Lee Curtis and signed up to be the spokeswoman for T-Mobile... or AARP. I'm so disappointed. Maybe the proof is in the pudding though, because she looks awfully unhappy with, uhm... just about everything that's going on with this picture. 

Readers, please tell me that you avoid Wal-Mart and it's low prices at all costs. Do I have any fellow anti Wal-Marters on this blog?

There are times when I really don't get Peta, and think they're a ridiculously psychotic group of people who think animals should be running this country rather than people. And then there are times when they release shit like this, and make me feel bad for all the mean things I've said in the past. This ad is perfect. Clothed, laid back, with an important message from someone who is likeable and provides a little eye candy. Now this is an ad I would pay attention to and completely agree with:

It completely baffles my mind that Sea World is electing to keep killer whale Tilikum on the payroll after he managed to successfully take the life of one his trainers. Isn't this the third person he's killed since being at Sea World? And who can blame him? If I was forced to swim around in a fucking cage that was 1/1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 the size of my normal living environment and made to perform stupid circus tricks for a bunch of screaming, spoiled, snot-faced children for the rest of my life, I'd probably snap at some point, too.
Sea World doesn't want to get rid of him because he's the stud with the main vein, as he provides the orca sperm to other female whales. 

Apparently, this whale is worth more money than a human's life. 

Take the hint, Sea World... Tilikum is TiliDONE.

I have no idea what's going on here, so you caption it!

Needs to shut her fake, bitch, bigot mouth. 

Lauren Ashley, the self-proclaimed "Beauty Queen of Beverly Hills" (who the city of Beverly Hills has announced as an absolute, lying fraud from Pasadena, CA) just needs to shut-up and move on her with her life. Who is she anyway? Some freeloading bitch who's trying to make her way into the celebrity world by saying things that piss other people off? Because, I can tell you right now, with arms like those, a face like that, no chest, and head full of strangled, greasy hair, she's going nowhere fast. As JMG puts it, if you listen closely you can hear the rocks in her head.

View more news videos at:

Alright readers, here they are! You all gave me some great feedback on which shoes you liked the most, and here are the ones I decided to go with. I had to limit myself to only two styles, otherwise I would have bought the whole damn store. And even with that limit, I still manged to successfully waste three hours at Journeys trying on hundreds of other shoes. Shoe whore, much? Yes. 

A few interesting facts about the Middle East's largest fish tank springing a leak:

- The Aquarium is home to over 33,000 fish;
- In addition to the fish, it also houses 400 sharks and stingrays;
- The Aquarium holds 2.5 million gallons, or (just for fun) 1,920,000,000 teaspoons of water;
- The glass containing the water is 77cm, or 2.5 feet thick... making it the world's largest single piece of acrylic paneling and;
- Mall-goers were kinda pissed about the whole thing.

This video can also be seen on SwishEmbassy.TV

I'm not sure what's funnier here... the fact that this kid gets bitch-smacked by a bottle of diet coke or his friends laughing at it in the background!

This video can also be seen on SwishEmbassy.TV.

Anyone else feel compelled to reply to this ad with an explanation as to why this person thinks a gay or lesbian parent isn't right for this child? Or why, possibly, they're trying to traffic their child?
Hello out there,
I am a single parent with a beautiful baby boy who needs a home, a caring family to love him as their own blood, if you are a married couple or Single seeking to adopt a child, look no more because your dream has come true. Please, gay/lesbian are not welcome...Thank you
We'll see how they respond to my email:

Hi there,

Just curious to know why gay and lesbians are not welcome to respond to this ad. People are people, and gays and lesbians can love a child just as much as a straight person can. In fact, they would be much better at it. For example, they would have the mental capacity to teach this child that posting an ad on for someone to come "adopt" their child is not only tacky and wrong, but that it's also illegal. 

I'm not sure if you're aware; actually... I know you're not aware of the fact that, if you have a child you don't want, you can visit any fire station in the city and leave the child in the care of a fireman. No names. No questions asked. Completely anonymous. The fire department will accept responsibility for the child, and then go through the CORRECT procedure of putting your son up for adoption. They won't just post an ad online like their trying to give away a dog. 

Hope this helps.

Here's a list of my favorite movie quotes. They're quite fantastic, wouldn't  you agree? And readers, I would love to know what your favorite move quotes are! So comment away bitches. Hugs!

"Drink your juice, Shelby." - Steel Magnolias

"Did you fall down and smack your little head on the pavement?" - The Devil Wears Prada

"She's dead!" "*Gasp* She is!? Oh... these are the moments that make life worth living."- Death Becomes Her

"I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns... or bombs... or electric chairs. But sometimes, people just won't listen. So I have to use persuasion." - Addams Family Values

"No, no, no, no, WAIT. This is Christmas. The season of perpetual hope. And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself... I am going to get home to my son." - Home Alone

"Do you remember my seventeenth birthday party when you lifted your skirt up in front of aaaaaaaall those people?" "I did not lift my skirt, it twirled up! You only remember the bad stuff, don't you? What about the big band I got to play at that party, do you remember that? NO! You only remember that my skirt, accidentally twirled up!" - Postcards From the Edge

Alright readers, my tax returns have hit my bank account. And now... it's time for shoe shopping! Oh my god... I'm so excited I could just vomit all over my own face. There are so many shoe options out there right now, I don't even know where to start. And that's where you, my lovely readers, come in! I need some help picking out two pairs of shoes. So, please analyze the pictures below and tell me which ones you like the most (or would like to see me wearing while my legs are up in the air... which ever your preference is). Also, you can clicky the pictures for a larger version: