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Hey readers!

There will be no blogging tonight due to situations beyond my control. Like beer. Haha! Just kidding. Well, kind-of.

I'll be returning tomorrow in full swing! Sweet dreams!


Summer's on it's way, my pumpkins... so here's a couple of songs to get you in the mood! These videos can also be found on SwishEmbassy.TV.

... I'm sure this sounds like the most disgusting thing in the world. If we were to eat a mint... we would want that shit to taste like french toast smothered in syrup and strawberries. Where's the low-carb love on this flight? Stuartist!?

Instead, let's all celebrate the bacon mint, which is available from Netorama, which just happens to have an arsenal of incredibly fun mints for every person in the entire world. Love all around, bitches. 

They're asking that you choose this year's theme. Readers... what did you choose? OR, what would you choose? I'm all about Euphoria!

1. Euphoria - International Theme
2. Cowboy/Western - Saloons, Brothels, and Hoedowns
3. Pantheon - Greek Theme
4. Frolic - or fröhlich Winter Pride

(via mile high gay guy)

(photo via manhunt daily)

Joe Solmonese had some big things to say at Saturday's HRC gala in Raleigh. And, just like Pam Spaulding, we're putting that shit in quotation marks:

1. "We are going to eliminate the tax that you pay on domestic partner benefits. We're going to get rid of that this year at long last."
2. "We are going to extend domestic partnerships to federal employees."
3. "We are going to get people living with HIV/AIDS treatment much earlier if they are on public assistance."
4. "And finally, finally this year we are going to bring down the discriminatory policy known as 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'...once and for all."

Number four, Joe. Number four. The one thing, until today, you've been very de-vocalized about, AND, in which, Towleroad has been very excellent at pointing out.

Move it, dude.

I have these at work everyday. But poor (heh) Louise Chavez. A slot machine at the Fortune Valley Casino in Black Hawk, CO gave her $42.9M in winnings, and after shatting her pants and jumping up and down and waiving her hands in the air like fool in front of everyone in the casino, gaming officials pranced over and said "lose the glee, bitch. It was a malfunction. You're still $23.00 behind." 

Louise is all pissed now, and says the casino needs to belly up. “If that’s what I won on the machine, I feel that’s what I should get,” she said. 

Well, of course you do Louise! Who wouldn't want $42.9M from a machine who's maximum jackpot reads "$215,000"? You are absolutely entitled to almost 20,000% more than it's maximum jackpot.

But hey Louise, what would have your free-loading ass done if that amount read "$-42,900,000"? Paid up? I seriously doubt it.

So take your $23.00 loss and call it a shitty day at the casino, you stingy little thing, you.

I'm getting pretty sick and tired of people getting all pissy over Ricky Martin's coming-out gig. They're pissed that he did it after his career died down. They're pissed he did it on the internet. They're pissed he did it so long after we all knew. They're pissed he got ink for it. They're pissed, they're pissed, they're pissed. 

Get over it already and congratulate a hot bitch. Sheesus. 

As I posted in a reply to this wonderful post, Ricky did it when he was ready. And that's all we can expect, and respect, of his decision to do it when he did. And, he didn't do it for anyone other than himself. True, his coming-out has inspired bloggers like the one linked above (which is great), but it's completely obvious in Ricky's coming out letter, he did this for himself. And, just like me, was frustrated with people telling him when, if, and how he should come out.

So take it as that readers... welcome him with open arms to a new, better life and to no longer living behind walls or closet doors, and then call it a gay day.

Eric Schwabel has turned Mickey and Bozo into a couple of beautiful, psychotic, night-mare and wet-dream inducing figures. Porn actor Mitchell Rock and Ben Patrick Johnson, one of Hollywood’s top voice over actors, have both offered up their bodies and faces for this incredible project, and Trefor Proud, an Academy Award and multiple Emmy Award winner, is responsible for the brilliant make-up work. 

Two nekkid pictures of the boys, after the JUMP.

(via beautiful mag)

I know, I know, I know! I know, OK? Enough of this "Quote of the Day :: Meghan McCain" crap, Wes. Enough is enough, alright?

Sorry readers, I just can't help but smile every time I read the news and see Meghan publicly fighting on on our sides. I mean, c'mon... this is the daughter of the very conservative John McCain... a man who just happened to lose his face off in a run for presidency against Obama.

She's a Republican who's with it. And she understands the time has come for the Republicans to buck-up and accept the fact that their old conservative, hateful ways have got to go, otherwise it's curtains. They evaporate! They cease to exist! And bitch couldn't be more right!

While speaking to a crowd at the George Washington Young American Foundation, McCain exclaimed:

"I am not Ann Coulter. I am not Glenn Beck. I am not trying to be a pundit. I am not trying to have a show on FOX. My intention is to promote dialogue in this country. I do [support marriage equality], got that George Washington Young Republicans? I am not saying let's just abandon the core ideals that the Republican Party was built on, I am saying make room for all of the Republicans, and let's start evolving with the times. We must evolve or we'll die."

Later on, she called out Keith Olbermann and Rush Limbaugh, telling them to pipe down and put their hate on some god-damn ice.

Outside, about 20 members of the foundation held a protest in Kogan Plaza, passing out wedding cake during their "Defending Marriage" event (which isn't cliche or lacking in creativity at all).They were met by a larger counterprotest, in which students in favor of same-sex marriage chanted and held up signs that read, "God Bless Our Gays," "Love," and "D.C. liked it so they put a ring on it."

Go girl!

Alright homos... all our prayers have been answered. We can stop our kicking, screaming, crying and whining, because a just-for-us-boys version of Chatroulette is here! Who's calling into work tomorrow!?

See you on the webcam...

Readers! It looks like we have two other fabulous bloggers (here and here) who have jumped on the weight-loss train (choo choo!), and I got a couple of requests off my previous post to continue offering advice on what I've done to lose the weight I have. So, I'm going to do just that... 

Damien asked that I post what a typical day of eating looks like for me, and I think that's a great jumping off point. So let's start there. 

There is one thing you should do the second you wake up... and that one thing is eat. When you sleep, you're metabolism drops significantly, and the best way to jump start your metabolic engine is to eat right when you wake up, that way your body starts burning fat ASAP (and will continue to do so throughout the entire day). So, with that in mind, here is what I would typically cook for breakfast:

1. Two eggs (any style), topped with little bit of Tobasco and some pepper.
2. Two or three slices of bacon.
3. A slice or two of cheese or a small bowl of cottage cheese topped with paprika.
4. A cup of coffee with some Sweet and Low and Sugar-Free Coffee Mate vanilla creamer.

The great thing about eating low carb is that it's pretty condiment-friendly, so feel free to top your eggs with a little dollop of sour cream or a little bit of salsa.

The mid-day meal is a big one for me. Eating breakfast (which I don't usually have time to do, because I'm such a sleep-whore) really jump-starts my belly and when I get home for lunch, I head straight to the fridge. Here's what I usually make:

1. A pseudo turkey sammich. Or, actually, a Turkey Sammich Burrito (hell yeah!). It's a slice of turkey, topped with some Miracle Whip and shredded cheddar cheese, rolled into a little burrito. I'll usually have two or three of these. 
2. Another serving  of cottage cheese.
3. Cucumber Salad, which is, simply: sliced cucumbers in Italian dressing. I'll usually make this the night before so the cucumbers have time to soak in the dressing and really absorb the flavor of it. 
4. A grilled chicken breast or hamburger. I like to make these on the Lean Mean Grilling Machine, because it drains a lot of the grease and fat from the burger. Then, I'll just dip the meat in some yellow mustard and call it a gay day. 
5. To drink: a diet Pepsi or diet Snapple Lemon or Peach Tea.

Now we're on to dinner. My least favorite meal to make. Why? Because at the end of my work day, the last thing I want to do is come home and make a fucking meal. So I just eat Macaroni and Cheese. 

Just kidding. 
Usually what I do for dinner is this:
1. Another wonderful hamburger patty on the Lean Mean Grilling Machine with some onions.
2. A small pack of peanuts (to snack on while the hamburger is cooking). 
3. Broccoli or Cauliflower with some ranch dressing. 
4. Five or six garlic-stuffed olives
5. Sugar-free Jello for dessert. 

Now, throughout the day you have plenty of options for snacky foods. And that's good... because, when eating low-carb, you'll find that a low-carb lifestyle doesn't provide that same "oh my god, I'm so full I want to puke all over my face" feeling that pasta, breads, and deep-fried foods do. So, my top-ten snack foods during the day are:

1. Peanuts
2. Pickles (which seem to be a natural appetite suppressant for me)
3. Sliced Cucumbers
4. Olives
5. Pork Grinds (in moderation. Remember... this is deep-fried pork, pumpkins. They're great at satisfying that need for food with a crunch, but are not the most healthy things in the world.)
6. Pistachios
7. Green Beans
8. A few small spoonfuls of peanut butter (a guilty indulgence)
9. Walnuts
10. An Atkins snack bar. Note: I usually stay away from these, mainly because they're so damn expensive. It's almost $2.50 a bar, which is ridiculous. A girl's gotta have drinkin' money!

Remember, this is just the way I eat. They're the things I enjoy most when eating low-carb. You can adjust them anyway you want. Experiment with these ideas and get as creative as you want in the kitchen. Another great thing about eating low-carb is that it forces you to get really creative and come up with new ideas on how to modify the things you eat to fit into your new lifestyle. And once you've come up with those great, new ideas... come back here and share them with us!
I think for my next Weight Lossy McFabulous, I'll write about how to keep your new lifestyle on course when eating out at sit-down restaurants. What do you all think? 

The human body is an amazing piece of machinery, and it does so many incredible things. What do you think is the most amazing part of it? And the penis doesn't count!

Mine's already on the way, bitches! Get it here!

Firefox is just fine as long as you don't do all the add-ons. And Safari's great for watching porn. What's Internet Explorer?

The horny folks over and ManHunt Daily have made us aware of a very useful video, which teaches us how to hide our less desirable features to get perfect pictures every time. They seem to have a problem with folks who eat brains and suck blood. But we're an equal opportunity blog here, so if you're any of these things, please feel free to continue with your antics. Just stay 50-feet away from me at all times, mKay? 

Oh, and feel free to use these helpful tips for when you take and SUBMIT your morning mugshot tomorrow. Love you!

Over the last seven days...

Texas: Pastor Dean Richard Tarkington found guilty of possession of child porn.
Kentucky: Pastor Alonzo Bradley arrested for torturing his wife by "beating and burning her with implements."
West Virginia: Pastor Johnny Ray Dempsey pleads guilty to incest and sexual abuse by a parent.
Florida: Rev. John C. Spinks charged with possession and distribution of child porn.
Maryland: Father Thomas Bevan to face September trial for multiple counts of child molestation.
Connecticut: Youth Pastor David Esarey convicted of sexual assault on a minor and possession of child porn.
Ireland: Father Francis Markey charged with rape of 15 year-old boy forty years ago. Markey had been suspended at least three times for sexual misconduct but was always allowed to go back to "work."
Vienna: An unnamed priest has resigned after confessing to sex with a boy. Two other priests in the same diocese have been suspended.
Arizona: Rabbi Bryan Bramley charged with rape of 7 year-old girl.
California: Pastor Matthew Davis charged with multiple felony counts of lewd and lascivious behavor and indecent exposure to children.
New Zealand: Pastor Donald Tarnaki charged with sexual assault of 13 year-old girl.
Florida: Music worship teacher David Lanham charged with 16 felony counts of sexual abuse of four children ages 5-11.
Ontario: Pastor James Sinclair charged with three counts of sexual assault.

(via jmg)

This is getting ugly. As if it wasn't horrible enough for his parents to kick him out, Georgia high school student Derrick Martin is now having to deal with a group of students who are protesting the school's decision to allow Derrick to bring his boyfriend to prom. But it's not because he's gay.

It's because "the school system’s decision has brought too much attention to their small town" and because of Derrick "bringing so much attention to it" himself. An excuse so LAME and FAKE that's it's worth a ten-second yaaaaaaaaawn and sixteen eye-rolls. Derrick brought no attention to this himself. It was all the crying, snot-faced bigots in his town. Even Derrick's "friends", who said they were behind his decision to bring his boyfriend to the prom, have backed down and left Derrick out in the cold. Hooray for friends!

Derrick recently spoke with the Georgia Voice about last Tuesday, when his he got home and found out he no longer had a place to live:

"Martin said being kicked out of his home by his parents on Tuesday because of the media attention this story has garnered hasn't dissuaded from being who he is. 'I know they had the right because it's their house. Now I just want to get an apartment and then go to college,' he said. Martin has a scholarship to Georgia Southern where he will be major in pre-law. Martin said Tuesday was an average day. He went to school and then to his job with a state tutoring program for at-risk third, fourth, fifth grade students and middle schools students to help them pass the CRCT. When he got home that evening his mother told him to pack his bags and leave. 'So I packed my stuff and left,' he said. 'She said it was disrespectful of me' to interview with a local TV station."

There is some good news, however. Derrick was recently honored by the Atlanta Gay Mens Chorus. And It has been reported that Derrick has been invited by Ellen to appear on her show. Now's there's a television interview that I hope sky-rockets Derrick's story so far into outer space that not even his mother will be able to escape it.

Movies. Now Modeling. Next... Porn!

A poll by Vanity Fair has revealed that half of our country would support an openly gay President. 

Actually, scratch that. A poll by Vanity Fair has revealed that half of the 967 people they interviewed would support an openly gay President. I'm not sure if this really says much... wouldn't it have been better to create a poll that ALL of America can participate in? 

(via towleroad)

Work it girl. Beat that bitch in the welfare office. Then vogue your ghetto ass out the door. 

You may want to turn the volume down for this one so the screams cheers and hollering don't blow out yo speakers. 

This calls for a lot more tweeting from now on.

And it's totally cool with us! 

Go Ricky. Go Ricky. It's Your Coming Out Day. Take Your Clothes Off. Eat a Tube Steak. Have a pancake. Drink some vodka. Call or text me.

Now, here's a clever lamp! A light bulb as a wrecking ball!? Oh, what will these people think of next? I want this in my office.

Readers, where would you put a lamp like this? And for those of you who think this is the ugliest thing in the fucking world, let's pretend it's a gift from your mother and has to be on display every time she comes over, mKay?

Update I:

I want this for my office, too:

See how you can place the paperclips to make them look like wings? Imagine how much time you could waste with this thing! So cool... and a perfect way to get paid for doing nothing.

A very cool anti-piracy ad from Rhythm House shows your mouse clicks as needles being stuck into the voodoo doll version of your favorite artist. I'm not sure why they included 50-Cent in this campaign however... because I'm pretty sure nobody would pay good money for his shit music.

Hey ya'll! Would you mind voting for my Fail Pic!? Just click here. I took this picture while I was in Chicago with my best friends Jesse and Jenn. We went to a piano bar and all our receipts suggested a 100% tip. 


Thanks for voting!

Suggested Tip Fail
moar funny pictures

Now our breasts aren't even safe:

"Radical Islamist plastic surgeons could be carrying out the implant operations in lawless areas of Pakistan, security sources are said to warned. Explosives experts have reportedly said just five ounces of Pentaerythritol Tetrabitrate packed into a breast implant would be enough to blow a “considerable” hole in the side of a jumbo jet. It would be virtually possible for airport security scanners to detect the explosive if hidden inside a breast, medics have said."

This war is becoming so incredibly re-fucking-diculous, that I seriously want to build a spaceship and live in outerspace for the rest of my puny life. I'll take Paul Walker, David Beckham, Meryl Streep, my friends and my family with me, and leave all this bullshit behind. Because I'm sick of it. I'll live up in the starry skies with all of my favorite people and we will build our own little loving community while we watch the earth disintegrate into a tiny rock and explode in hatred. 


There should be a full criminal investigation of the Catholic hierarchy of any country in which this has been an issue. There should be a full criminal investigation of the Vatican. There should be a full criminal investigation of the pope. The pope should stand down for the fact that he did not act in a Christian fashion to protect children, and for the fact that his organization acted to preserve their business interests decade after decade rather than be concerned about the interests of children, and for showing so much disrespect for Christ, God, the victims, the rest of us, their own clergy. . . . The Vatican and the pope need to get on their knees and confess the full truth in the same language they make us use in Mass. . . . They need to get on their knees, open everything up, be transparent, tell the truth, ask the people for forgiveness and prayers.

- Sinead O'Connor speaking out about the current Pope and his sex-scandal-ridden church.

Sinead made worldwide headlines in 1992 when she ripped up a picture of Pope John Paul II on SNL and said "fight the real enemy..."

Follow the JUMP to watch the video.

Readers, are we finally seeing some movement on this issue?

Today, Robert Gates announced changes in the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, which are to take effective immediately. The AP reports:
The changes raise the level of officer authorized to initiate a fact-finding inquiry into a case, the level of officer who can conduct an inquiry and of the one that can authorize a dismissal. To discourage the use of overheard statements or hearsay, from now on any evidence given in third-party outings must be given under oath, Gates said. Cases of third-party outings also have included instances in which male troops have turned in women who rejected their romantic advances or jilted partners in relationship have turned in a former lover. Some kinds of confidential information also will no longer be allowed, including statements gays make to their lawyers, clergy, psychotherapists or medical professionals in the pursuit of health care.

Keep on truckin', bitches!

(via towleroad)

I pay a shit-load of money to drive a car I operate less than five times per month. Vehicle registration SUCKS.

Here's the new wallpaper on my computer at work, peeps. Now I look all cool and hip to my co-workers while showing my gay pride (without them even knowing it!). It's great. Now I don't have to deal with the "bro... why's there a naked dude holding a bowl of lucky charms on your computer screen?" questions.

It's already happening, readers.

Now go order some for your HCR-hating friends and deliver with a card that reads "Get with it, bitch."

Only $14.80 a mug.


Can someone please explain to me why the Chilean firm Crystal Lagoons decided it would be a good idea to build a 20-Acre pool 30 feet from the god-damn beach? And on top of that... a reason for making it 115 feet deep? They plan to build a bigger one in the Egyptain desert, which makes 18,000 times more sense to me. 

Here's some facts about the monstrosity: It holds 66-million gallons of water and cost $3.5 million to build. Just for comparison... an Olympic-size pool is 164 feet long, 6 feet 7 inches deep, and about 660,000 gallons.

So... any idea's readers?

In case you missed it, and I know not-a-one of you did, Roger's hangin' to the right. And, damn, it looks goooooood. Seeing men in workout shorts without underwear is by far and away one of my favorite things in the entire world. It's right up there with watching small children cry in misery. 

If it doesn't happen on one end, it has to on the other

Many of you may have heard about Derrick, the boy's who's high school made the right decision on allowing him to bring a male date to the prom. And although Derrick has received boatloads of support from the internet and gay rights groups, things are not all fine-and-dandy at home... as Derrick's parents have KICKED HIM OUT because of the media attention associated with it. The school is holding firm on its decision to allow gay couples at the prom.

I hope Derrick's parents have diarrhea for a week for what they've done to him. I'm very lucky to have parents who, while they refuse to acknowledge the fact that I'm gay or even talk about it, have accepted it and assured they love me no less and will always support my decisions. And they've held true to that promise.

How are things with your parents after coming out to them, friends?

Click here to view the largest database of penis sizes across our entire nation. Colorado's number 40. But that's better than Wyoming, way down there at 50. By the way... those numbers below are not inches... they're rankings. So, don't get all excited there Dave! You either Sozo!

I've gotten several emails regarding what I have done to lose the weight that I have over the past few months, and rather than sharing this information with just those who requested it, I've decided to post it here for everyone to read. =)

I feel very lucky to have achieved the success I have over the past few months. But I want everyone to know this post is not meant to tout my weight loss or shove it in everyone's face. By no means do I feel like a super-duper personal trainer or some fantastic-fabulous dietitian. This certainly feels a little off key for me, and it may be the same for you all, who expect something different from me normally, but whenever I see an opportunity to enrich the lives of a bunch of people, I have to grab ahold of it and take the opportunity to do it. Simply because the thought of helping people makes me totally happy (I know... I'm such a bottom).

Anyway, much of you may remember my post from a few months back when I posted my before and after pictures. This was my success after only four months of changing my eating habits and working out five times a week:

Seeing this, for me, was pretty incredible. I felt like I completely transformed myself. And I was totally proud to post this picture on Craigslist. I mean, ManHunt. I mean, my blog. Anyway... the biggest piece of advice I can offer up for getting in shape is changing your diet. That's right readers... working out doesn't mean TWO SHITS if you're eating five double cheeseburgers a day with a king size fry. And diet soda (but, of course!).

Here's how I've adjusted my eating habits:

I stay away from carbs, sugar, salty foods, eat lots of protein, and chow down on snacky , low carb foods, all... day... long. It's cutting out breads, pasta, rice, potatoes, corn, candy, and anything with extreme amounts of flour and fiber. Which, for many of you, may seem psychotic and absolutely not doable. I will tell you now… this was the easiest way to adjust my eating habits. It didn’t involve a bunch of counting, measuring, or restrictions, and allowed me to eat as much of some of the things I love most. Basically, I  cut as many carbohydrates out of my diet as possible.

But, just like making any major change, this adjustment did have it’s down sides. And here's ten facts about what I had to, and what you (if you choose to go with it!), will have to suck up and accept:

1. Say goodbye to pasta, rice, corn, and potatoes.
2. Say hello to spaghetti squash - it replaces potatoes and pasta.
3. Say hello to Rusell Stover - who makes delicious sugar-free candy.
4. Say hello to Sarah Lee's low-carb bread and Misson's low-carb tortillas.
5. Eggs will become your best friend. Along with every meat out there.
6. Beer is out (except Michelob Ultra or Coor‘s Light). Liquor is in (any hard liquor with diet soda is cool).
7. Soda is out. Diet soda is in. Tea is cool, too.
8. Condiments are still your friend, but you have to take it easy with salsa, ketchup, and red chili. Have fun with mustard, green chili, and mayo if you like. And take it very easy with honey mustard and BBQ sauce.
9. Butter's cool in moderation.
10. And most importantly, cum is 100% OK (here come's the hollandaise sauce!).

Eating this way is incredibly easy, folks. All you have to do is look at the carbohydrate content on the things that you eat and if it has more than 5 grams per serving, cut it out. Here’s a quick list of what’s totally in line with a low-carb lifestyle: any type of meat, cheese, eggs, nuts, peanut butter, pork grinds, cool whip (to satisfy that sweet tooth!), broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, celery, cucumbers, salad, pickles, olives, mayo, mustard, ranch dressing (I know, I know… THANK GOD… right?), coffee, sugar free flavored creamers, diet soda, and if you’re needing a drink, keep it to hard liquor with diet soda for now.

Yay! OK… so this post could go on forever. There’s so much I want to share with everyone about how I‘ve adjusted my lifestyle to make this work for me. But like I said, I don’t want this post to go on forever. So, I think what I’ve written so far has laid the groundwork for you to get things started. The last thing I want to say is that if you choose to go with it, commit to starting RIGHT NOW. Don’t set a date. Just do it. Right now. Put down that burrito and go grab some beef jerky or make yourself a chicken breast smothered in green chili and a little bit of sour cream!

Readers, if you want me to follow up with this post with more advice, ideas, and helpful tips, please let me know by commenting. I would love to continue to blog about this, especially if it’s to help you out =)

Our cute little video boy, Michael DiMartino, has provided us with his version of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Not sure about the color of the "blood" during those bathtub scenes, but I can certainly appreciate the rest of it.

This video, and many more, can also be found on SwishEmbassy.TV.

Damien provides us with his wonderful Morning Mugshot!

You all are going to think I'm crazy, but as a dog lover, I fell in love with this commercial. How many of you can relate to the signs?

Thanks Wicked Gay Blog!

The Secret Service is investigating several death threats made against the POTUS after the passing of HCR. When I see shit like the tweet below, which was followed up with another tweet that encouraged anyone with a "clear shot" to kill the President, I get incredibly upset and wish and hope the people who are responsible for crap like this to spend the rest of their lives in a cockroach-infested cell.

I guess its no surprise that someone who's stupid enough to want to kill the POTUS would actually be stupid enough to tweet it for the entire world, and Secret Service, to see.

Betty White made an appearance on Ellen yesterday to discuss her hosting of SNL, among other things. And, I don't know about you readers, but who's the lucky one here? I would cut off the hand I masturbate with to give Betty White a lap dance!

Very cool video illustrating the Fibonacci Sequence, the Golden Ratio, and other mathematical laws:

(via towleroad)

Hey readers... What's your heaven on earth?

I'll always have a special place in my heart in my heart for a man with a parole record: